Suicide left me sad.

I would like to share with you an account of my realization I got from attending a death program in Sakoda settlement yesterday.

I was busy at home typing my research papers hoping to meet my deadline when Vedagarbha Prabhu called and invited me to join Saci mata for a program in Sakoda. Without hesitation I said yes.
Accompanied by a group of devotees we were on our way to the program and I asked mataji who was this family where we were going for the program. Naturally i was inquisitive to know how have this family came into contact with devotees and i was told that the deceased was matajis patient.
As soon as we arrived at the place, we got of from the van and went straight to the area where they had arranged for us to conduct the program. Right in front where they had set the altar, beside Lord Krishna’s photo on a little lower platform was the photo of the deceased. I was very surprised because all this while I was thinking it to be a elderly person but it came out to be a young boy- 16yrs. Mataji looked at my surprise and told me it is a suicide case.
The boy Pranit Singh was a student of Suva Grammar High School. An intelligent young boy who would make everything necessary to keep others happy at home now was before me only into the photo frame. He father relayed the story of how he would excel in Music, studies, sports, and what not. He was a friend to all and the most striking thing was that he was a very determined devotee of Krishna. Like hare Krsnas he would take his Baal Mukunda anywhere he would go for visits and will always keep the lamp on the altar switched on for Baal Mukunda while he goes to sleep. He would accompany his Dad in Ramayan manadalis and sit on the right hand side and soon after his Dad finishes his pravachan he would stand without any hesitation and speak about Lord Krishna and thank everyone for coming. His father says he would start with: apne pita sri ke agya peh….
He would dress like a baby, wearing napkin, hold a feeding bottle hide in the room and cry and will ask his sister not to tell the Mum. As soon as the mother finds him he would say “Mum I’m still your baby”…
Pranit father by now breaking into tears explains how dear he was to the family not only because he was the only son but because he was gifted to the family after they went to so many temples praying for a child. This boy showed dedication to Lord Krishna and would always pray before going to school.
The most unfortunate thing was that this boy was caught into cluthes of peer pressure and was caught with cigarettes. Obviously there was anger in the family but Pranit could not take this chastisement. He wrote a note to his Dad: Probably in this Life I haven’t been a good son, but i pray to come back as your son to be a better child in the next life. Nothing to worry. and he drew Lord Krishna image on the paper. His Dad had some weedicide at home for the vegetable garden and the boy gulped it all. Their gardener wanted to use it a day earlier in the farm but he stopped him from using a day earlier saying when Pappa comes better ask him first.
Now lying on bed surrounded by Family members he folded his arms said Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Hare Rama Hare Rama–Jai Radha Krishana and closed his eyes for good. Saci Mataji was there and she was able to give him holy waters from the dham before he left his body. she witnessed the scene
I’m still shocked….I saw his computer, key board, books, clothes everything as it is and kept wonder what was it that made him hurt so much. Was he depressed, was he frustrated? was he in a state of trauma or what…why would he do that nothing gets explained specially when the dad relayed the story that a month earlier he got his finger injured and blood started oozing out…he wrote with that blood on the mirror “30 days”. That had a meaning after all because 30 days fell on the days of his cremation.
My Friends…I’m still so much in pain for this sad loss of a person who could have become a devotee, who would have set amongst us honoring prasadam, who would have sat on the floor listening to lectures and then dancing with us in the kirtan but unfortunately we never reached to him to make friends.
On our way back I was sharing my understanding with Mataji about his death….It is so common for boys not to cry, no to reveal emotions and to show their feelings. Generally many people think that crying is for girls or showing emotions and revealing your inner feeling and getting inside out is a feminine quality. But it is not true.
Suva Grammar is a school where students feel that they are the top students in Suva and as such need little advice from parents about what is best…..even smoking is normal for many. In fact you are acting abnormal if you don’t smoke at that age or sniff glue and what not.
I was thinking our Youth Forum should immediately establish a outreach program whereby we go to schools and tertiary institutions and make students our Friends. We give them a handshake and with that we offer trust and source of security to reveal their feelings.
Even amongst our devotees there are many who keep so many things in their heart and who knows what it may form into…what actions it may cause…..We can save lives and touch peoples heart through this…It was really sad.
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